


Possibilities

by heartsdesire456



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst, Future Fic, Insecure Magnus, M/M, Post-Canon, Protective Siblings, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-07
Updated: 2016-04-07
Packaged: 2018-05-31 19:45:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6485167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartsdesire456/pseuds/heartsdesire456
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Maryse gets the idea to set Alec up with another gay Shadowhunter to lessen the shame, Magnus goes through an array of reactions to the whole idea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Possibilities

**Author's Note:**

> This started out as the dumbest conversation between me and a friend and somehow it became this, lmao. Ah headcanon-sharing-turned-ficcing!

_I’ll be over tonight after I’m done with this date. Not sure how late because we got caught up training and had to get a cab instead but I’ll be there. –Alec_

Magnus read the text he had received four hours ago and couldn’t help but think through the past four hours. As he sipped his (fifth) cocktail, he examined and catalogued the range of emotions he had felt throughout the day.

 

1\. Amusement

Magnus was with Alec walking around the Institute so he could meet with Isabelle after she finished training and leave to go shopping when Alec started training when Maryse first approached Alec with the idea. 

She had found a nice, Shadowhunter man that had revealed proclivities leaning towards his own gender from a respectable family and had invited him to New York to ‘get some practice at an American Institute’ and conveniently partner up with Alec. And as to avoid any possible doubt to her intent, she had already made reservations for Alec and the young man she approved of to have dinner. When she revealed that the other young man had agreed to get to know Alec with the potential of an alliance, Alec had been more offended that she would dare talk like Magnus wasn’t standing there, but Magnus just found it hilarious what lengths she would go to to try and lessen the ‘shame’ on her family name.

It was only when they got to the training room and found Isabelle sparring with a tall, handsome man with a nice tan and tousled blond waves that they actually met Maryse’s new ‘intern’. “Hey Alec, have you met Fernando?” she asked, and the man turned around, revealing big, blue eyes and a pretty handsome face to go with his tan and blonde locks. 

“Oh hi. You must be my new partner,” Fernando introduced in a beautiful Spanish accent. He pushed his hair out of his eyes and then offered his hand to Alec. “Fernando Alvares. I’m visiting from Madrid. Your mother said you would be showing me everything.”

Alec forced a smile. “Yeah, that’s what I just heard. I’m Alec,” he said, looking at Izzy awkwardly. “Uh, did she tell you the other thing?”

Izzy raised an eyebrow. “What other thing?”

“Probably the fact that your mother is trying to set us up since my ‘travel around’ came after my trainer caught me coming out of a club with a mundane boy,” he informed Isabelle for Alec.

Isabelle’s eyes widened and then she glared, turning to look at Alec disbelievingly. “So now she’s trying to arrange you with a _man_ Shadowhunter if that’s what it takes?!” she asked.

Alec grimaced. “Wow, I’m really sorry you got pulled into this, Fernando,” he said apologetically.

Fernando shrugged. “Hey, at least you’re good looking,” he joked and Alec laughed awkwardly, reaching over to grasp at Magnus’s sleeve, tugging him closer. 

“This is Magnus Bane, my boyfriend,” Alec blurted out in a rush, practically stepping behind Magnus to put the focus on him.

Magnus waved, wiggling his fingers a little as he smiled, very amused. “Hello, Fernando,” he greeted. “Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn,” he clarified and Fernando looked surprised at first and then looked between Alec and Magnus with understanding dawning on his face.

“Ah, now I get it,” he said, giving Alec a grin. “Your mother is sort of cruel, huh?” he asked in understanding.

Alec looked incredibly relieved, deflating some. “Oh you have no idea. She informed me that you and I have dinner reservations to ‘connect our families’ all while Magnus was standing beside me.”

Isabelle spluttered. “How could she?! Magnus has done so much for this Institute-“

“Darling Isabelle, if you haven’t noticed by now,” Magnus interrupted mildly, “Maryse Lightwood hates me on principle. Even before I started dating her son, she hated me. I had some inkling she was more upset Alec was dating a Downworlder than she was about him dating a man, and this just confirms my suspicion.”

Fernando shook his head. “I’m very sorry, to both of you, that I accepted her offer, I would’ve never agreed to give it a try if I had known you had someone, Alec,” he said quickly. “Obviously, I will tell her we will be partners in you showing me around here, nothing more. We do not have to go out tonight at all-“

“Oh nonsense,” Magnus said, smiling at Alec. “You guys should go. No reason to waste perfectly good reservations!” He bumped his elbow into Alec’s arm. “You guys can get to know one another on Maryse’s dime.”

Alec looked at him in confusion. “Magnus, I’m not going out with another man when I’m with you.”

“It doesn’t have to be a real date, my silly Nephilim,” Magnus teased. “Just blow your mom’s money getting to know your new intern to the institute. We all know you’re the real head of this Institute, so he really is your intern anyways.” He met Alec’s eyes with a sweet smile. “Darling, you never meet new people. Have fun. Don’t worry about me.” He turned to Fernando, winking. “Just don’t let the pretty boy get to your head so you forget about little ol’ me,” he said, squeezing Alec’s hand.

Alec rolled his eyes. “Magnus, please,” he said, smiling down at him. Alec ducked down and pressed a quick kiss to Magnus’s cheek. “Have fun with Izzy.”

“You too, my dear,” Magnus said, sliding his hand down Alec’s arm as walked way and Izzy came over, towel around her shoulders, ready to go shower and change so they could leave immediately.

 

2\. Indifference

Isabelle came out of the changing room, spinning around to show Magnus the dress she was wearing. “What do you think?” she asked, and he held his arms out, smiling.

“Gorgeous! Spin again?” he asked, tilting his head to look at the way the dress fell down the back. “Yep! Perfect.” He caught his eyes straying to her neckline and dragged his gaze upwards. 

“Don’t worry, even I get distracted by them sometimes,” she teased and he rolled his eyes, laughing.

Magnus walked over to stand behind her in the triple mirror and smiled at her reflection as she flattened down the hips. “If I hadn’t met your brother first, Darling, if I hadn’t met him first,” he joked and she snorted, tugging her hair to the side so he could help with the zipper so she could go try on another.

“Oh please.” She winked before turning to walk into the stall again. “You did meet me first, technically. And even if we had met more than just a few minutes before you met Alec, you would’ve lost all interest when you got a good look at him.”

Magnus hummed, leaning against the edge of the mirror as he thought about Alec. “I do admit, I got the fluttery feelings as soon as he smiled at me.” He sighed, fighting a ridiculous smile. “Would you have hated me if we met and I flirted with you but then an hour later I met Alec and liked him better?” he asked, and Isabelle laughed loudly.

“Are you kidding? Do you have any idea how long I spent trying to get my brother laid?” she asked, coming out of the door with a dramatic flourish in her next dress. “Alec is twenty-one and had never kissed anybody before you, and he looks like _that_ ,” she stressed. Her smile became more genuine. “I love my big brother more than anything and I’ve always wanted him to be happy with himself and have somebody to care about him. And _you_ and how he liked you made him ready to be brave,” she said, and Magnus met her eyes with a pleased look. She punched him in the arm, breaking up the sappy staring contest. “So even if we’d been sleeping together and you liked him better I’d be all ‘go Magnus!’ about it,” she joked.

Magnus chuckled. “I’m not that much of a playboy. If I had been seeing someone when I met Alec I would’ve had to let him go.”

“I said sleeping with, not seeing,” she said with a wink. “You men can do the whole ‘sappy love’ stuff. I’ll stick to fun.” She twisted around, arms up. “Speaking of fun, think this will attract the right kind of attention?” she asked, and Magnus eyed the tight, short dress that showed off more leg than he even knew she had.

“Can you even sit in that without your ass touching the seat?” he asked bluntly and she just wiggled her eyebrows. He rolled his eyes. “Yes, that dress will get you laid, but I’m pretty sure so would a nuns habit. You’ve got all your brothers looks and more confidence.” She turned back around to look at herself and he chuckled. “And more ass, that’s for sure.” 

“Poor Alec,” she joked. “Now Fernando, _he_ has an ass on him.” She sighed. “Too bad he’s gay.” She looked over at Magnus. “Are you _really_ okay with Alec going out with him tonight?”

Magnus scoffed. “Oh please, of course I am. Alexander and I have something that no pretty blond haired, blue eyed boy with a sexy accent could even touch,” he dismissed. “There’s no reason at all that Alec shouldn’t hang out with a new co-worker. Your mother’s intentions aside, it’s good for Alexander to get out more.” He shook his head. “Do you have any idea how much he talks when it’s just us? He’s full of so many thoughts and ideas and really amazing things, and yet I have never heard him say more than a few sentences to anybody else.”

Izzy nodded. “Alec’s an amazing person, but before you, it was pretty much just me and Jace who ever knew that. Even Mom and Dad and Max don’t really get the full Alec treatment.”

Magnus brightened. “Maybe this new guy will get Alec out of his shell some with people who don’t love him.”

“Maybe so,” Isabelle said, heading back into the stall and leaving Magnus with his thoughts. 

 

3\. Doubt

Magnus didn’t consider himself a Jealous person in the least. He tended to either be positive his partner would choose him or accept that if they didn’t, he didn’t need to try and convince them to and live a lie. 

Alexander had chosen him. He had spectacularly chosen him, actually. He had chosen him publicly and irreversibly by taking his life into his own hands for once, and he could very easily have not done that. Magnus was confident that Alec wouldn’t be swayed so easily by a pair of pretty blue eyes. But the more he thought about it, the worse he started to feel about the whole thing.

Isabelle’s conversation over coffee after they finished shopping turned around to Fernando and he started to rethink that whole ‘of course Alec won’t want to leave me for some random guy’ thing. “Yeah, Fernando was telling me about how much he loves reading and we got to talking about all of Alec’s books.” She waved a hand. “Looking back, I can sort of see why Mom wanted to set him up with Alec. I mean, she’s horrible for it, he has you, but Fernando’s scandal was sleeping around with Mundanes and Alec’s is you, so for both Fernando’s family and Alec’s, the best fix is to get them together. But beyond that, they really would probably get along,” she said. “I mean, Alec might could learn to love Fernando the way he never could have with Lydia. At first he may not have feelings for him, but he’s twenty-three, he’s a Shadowhunter, he’s trying to learn archery so Alec could teach him something, and he likes me, so that’s a big plus.” She made a face. “I mean, I don’t know if the Clave would allow it anytime soon, but almost every Shadowhunter couple has an adopted child after a couple die fighting together, so eventually they could have children together.”

Magnus looked up. “Has Alexander ever mentioned wanting kids?” he asked, and Isabelle shrugged, sipping her coffee.

“Not directly, but it makes sense,” she said. “He’s the protector, he’s the teacher, you know?” she said, smiling fondly as she glanced out at the street. “He’s only two years older than me, but my whole life, everywhere I turn, Alec’s been there to guide me. He took to being a big brother like it was the most important thing in the world. Do you know he had never killed a demon until he was an adult already, because every time we went on a mission he stayed back to protect me and Jace while we went into the fight?”

Magnus raised an eyebrow. “Alexander, my Alexander, didn’t kill a demon until he was an adult?” he asked in surprise. “He is basically the head of the Institute, really.”

“Yeah, but he’s been busy taking care of us and teaching Jace and I how to do things better.” She laughed. “You haven’t seen him with Max, have you? I’m pretty sure if Max got to stay with us, not with Mom and Dad, Max would just be Alec’s son not his brother at this point,” she said with a warm smile. “Alec would be an amazing dad. If he and Fernando were allowed to adopt an orphaned Shadowhunter kid, he could have a family and everything.”

Magnus’s heart sank but he forced a smile. “Well you never know. Alexander and I are still pretty new.”

Isabelle scoffed. “Oh please, Alec is crazy for you. If you two break up I’ll eat this ring,” she said, holding up a rather large ring on her right hand. “It doesn’t matter you’re his first boyfriend.” She snickered. “You’re you. Alec can’t really trade up.”

Magnus looked down at his fingers, so slender and soft and polished, and thought about how strange it must be for Alec to hold them when even his sister had the hands of a warrior.

4\. Fear

 

_I’ll be over tonight after I’m done with this date. Not sure how late because we got caught up training and had to get a cab instead but I’ll be there. –Alec_

Magnus sat on the couch sipping a glass of wine when the phone buzzed in his pocket. Reading the text, his heart sank. This was what he’d worried about when Isabelle started mentioning how much Alec and Fernando had in common: Not that Alec would want to leave him, but that he’d stop being able to hide from the fact that Alec had _another option_. 

Alec loved him, Magnus knew that. They hadn’t worked up to saying those words, but Magnus knew when Alec looked at him that he felt every bit what Magnus did. He didn’t doubt for a second that Alec really hadn’t even thought about the positives that could come from doing what his mom wanted and getting together with Fernando. Alec was probably too caught up in just having fun with a new person to even consider him as a potential lover one day.

But Magnus was.

Magnus thought about how Alec sounded like he could really like Fernando. He sounded like the perfect guy for Alec. He wasn’t just the same race and same age group, but he was genuinely someone with similar interests to Alec. And he had been so nice to Magnus, as well. Magnus knew that Fernando wasn’t as prejudiced against him and his kind the way most Shadowhunters were and Alec could really get along well with someone like that. They could fight together, they could train together, they could run the Institute together one day, potentially. 

They could possibly even have a family.

Magnus couldn’t give Alec much of anything when it was compared to all of that. 

Magnus could give Alec a lover who never aged, who could watch him grow old but never grow old with him. He could give him his love and his devotion and that was it. The Clave might let Alec adopt Shadowhunter children with a fellow Shadowhunter one day in the future, but they would never make that exception for him if he was with a Downworlder. They couldn’t fight together the way he could with a Shadowhunter. They couldn’t train together. Magnus wasn’t even sure they could ever live together if Alec was to officially become the head of the Institute one day. Even if Alec didn’t wise up and leave him one day the same way previous lovers had, their love would only grow more bittersweet as time went on and Alec started missing important life events because of having chosen a warlock.

Magnus was so sure that everything had worked out not even six hours ago, but now, sitting in his living room alone, all he could think about was the ways in which their bright future was only the artificial gleam of gloss over all the real flaws that hid beneath it.

5\. Acceptance

When Alec got there, late, just like he’d said, Magnus listened to him talk about how interesting Fernando was while they got ready for bed. Alec was exhausted and Magnus wasn’t really in the mood for romance, so they got ready for bed together as a chance to talk for a bit. Magnus sat on the side of the tub, watching Alec brush his teeth and wash his face, all the while listening to him talk about how Fernando had an adopted sister, much like Jace was to him, and she was younger, too. Fernando was friends with werewolves back home, which was how he had come to be so welcoming and open when it came to Downworlders. Fernando wanted to learn archery if Alec would teach him. Fernando had flirted with Jace when they met, which made Alec’s entire day, apparently. 

When Alec finally turned to Magnus and asked how shopping with Isabelle went, Magnus just fixed his best, most convincing smile on and told him that they had picked out a few things for her and a necklace for Magnus. He joked about leaving him for Isabelle since she had a better ass, laughing when Alec made a face at him, but welcomed him with open arms when Magnus sidled up to him for a hug. 

For the brief moment that Magnus rest his face against Alec’s bare chest and curled his arms around Alec’s sturdy, warm body, Magnus was able to pretend to himself that everything was alright, it was just him and Alec and nothing else mattered. The world was nothing compared to Alexander in his arms.

When they went to bed, however, Magnus’s thoughts all crushed in on him once more. Alec fell asleep quickly, just as exhausted as he’d suggested, and Magnus lay watching him sleep in lieu of doing the same. Alec was so peacefully beautiful when he slept. Magnus had seen him in his own bed, when he’d been injured and Magnus had been called to help heal him once, and he slept so stiff and scrunched in his own bed, but here, next to Magnus, he looked so peaceful and comfortable. 

Magnus didn’t even realize he was crying until the thought that he should go ahead and end it now, cut himself off before he became even more attached, crossed his mind and he let out a weak whimper. He knew it was the right thing and it hurt him so much.

Magnus rolled over and turned away from Alec, moving far enough that his trembling wouldn’t wake Alec. He clenched his fists in the sheets and pillow as he prepared for tomorrow, when he would have to say something to convince Alec to let him go. He couldn’t just dump him, Alec would know something was wrong, but he couldn’t bear the thought of intentionally hurting Alec just to save him.

Alec deserved what Magnus couldn’t give him. He deserved a lover who could give him everything he deserved. Magnus loved Alec too much to be the reason that Alec never got to live the dream he wanted. Alec deserved to be head of the Institute with a partner and a family and to grow old with someone who could share the same life experiences all the way to the end.

Even if it wasn’t Fernando, Magnus couldn’t be the one to hold Alexander back. It would break him to let Alec go, but loving Alec meant that his feelings didn’t matter, only Alec mattered.

Magnus let out a weak sob, slapping a hand over his mouth as he thought about how Ragnor had been wrong: Camille hadn’t killed him, he was about to kill himself in a way nothing she did in all their years ever could have. 

 

+1. Hope

 

“Magnus?” a sleepy mumble from behind him said. Magnus was too busy crying into his pillow to realize Alec hadn’t been as deeply asleep as he hoped. Magnus sniffled quickly, wiping at his face to try and rid himself of the evidence he’d been crying his heart out, but it was too late. “By the Angel, Magnus, what’s wrong?” Alec asked quickly, voice still rough with sleep but fully alert. Magnus heard the click of the lamp and when he opened his eyes again the dim light was on. Alec tugged him onto his back, arm going around his middle, and he looked down at him fearfully. “What is it, what’s wrong?” he framed Magnus’s face in his hands, looking him over. “Are you hurt? Did something happen?”

Alec looked at him like nothing in the world mattered more than fixing whatever was wrong to make Magnus hurt, and that broke Magnus’s heart even worse.

Magnus couldn’t help it, he sat up with a sob, curling his arms around Alec’s neck. He tucked himself into Alec’s chest and Alec slowly pulled him into a proper hug, holding him as he rubbed his back soothingly. Alec’s broad, warm hands slid over the fabric of Magnus’s pajama top and Magnus couldn’t help but want nothing more than to rip off the garment so he could feel Alec’s hands on his skin one last time. “Magnus, you’re scaring me. Please, just talk to me,” Alec said, pulling back some so he could curl his hand around the back of Magnus’s neck and look at him.

“I don’t want to lose you,” Magnus managed to choke out, still fighting sobs with gasping breaths as his pain fought to claw its way from his chest. Every breath hurt, but it was worth it to not sob like a child in front of Alec.

Alec stilled. “Lose me? Magnus, did you have a bad dream or-“

“We need to break up,” Magnus whispered, pained.

Alec’s eyes widened. “What?! Magnus, what is going on? Why would we break up?” He hesitated. “Magnus, if something happened today, something you want to tell me, I promise, I’ll understand. I’m sure it’s nothing.” He shook his head, looking worried. “I can’t imagine you could ever do anything that I would find unforgivable.”

Magnus shook his head, giving him a heartbroken smile as tears broke free even faster. “I- I just realized that- that I can only ever make you suffer, Alexander.” Alec looked at him carefully and Magnus was spurred to continue. “Alec, I can’t- I can’t give you the life that Fernando could, or-“

“Wait, what?” Alec asked bluntly. “Is this about Fernando? What the hell, Magnus, you’re the one who said I should go out with him. It’s not like it was a date, I spent half the night talking about _you_!”

“If not Fernando, then some other Shadowhunter,” Magnus said quickly. “Alec-“

“Okay, stop that,” Alec interrupted again, tightly gripping Magnus’s hand. “You only call me Alec when you panic or when you’re mad, please do not call me that again right now. I’m your Alexander, I always will be, so stop that.”

Magnus let out a weak sob. “But you can’t be my Alexander and be _truly_ happy,” he cried. “It’s not about Fernando, I know you don’t want him, but you _could_ ,” he stressed. “You could be happy. You could have a life like I can’t give you. You could learn to love him or some other man of your own race.”

Alec leaned back. “Magnus, I abandoned my wedding because I didn’t _want_ to learn to love shit, I want to be free to love whoever I want.”

“She was a woman and you’re gay, Alexander,” Magnus whispered. “You actually could grow to love Fernando.”

Alec ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head. “I don’t understand, Magnus, where did all of this come from? Was it my mom? Did she-“

“I can’t give you the life you deserve!” Magnus cried out, nearly shouting the words as fresh tears fell from his eyes. “Alexander, I’m immortal. I can’t give you the experience of growing old together. I can’t give you a partner in running the Institute. I can’t fight at your side, I can’t train with you, I can’t go demon-slaying with you.” His voice tapered off and broke when he spoke further. “I can’t give you a family. You could have all of that with him. You could one day possibly even be tasked with adopting orphans with him.” Magnus shook his head, looking down at the blankets over his lap. “Your life would be so much easier with Fernando or someone like him, Alexander. So much easier.”

There was a moment’s silence that seemed to drag until a gentle grip on his chin lifted his face so that he was looking up into Alec’s eyes. The small kernel of hope that had seeped into his heart set off like a blaze when he saw how deeply Alec’s conviction went. “I don’t want an easy life,” he said as if it was the simplest truth to ever be spoken. “I just want you.”

Magnus could see the fire in Alec’s eyes and something inside of him broke even as his heart swelled. “Alexander,” he breathed, and Alec pulled him into his arms, laying back down with Magnus nestled against his chest.

“I can be the head of the Institute with Jace and Izzy, I will still love you even when I’m old and you’re still young, we already have slayed demons together so that’s just a lie, and most of all, the Clave would never let two men raise a child even if we’re both Shadowhunters.” He stroked Magnus’s hair, holding him so tightly it was like he was afraid Magnus was going to be snatched from his arms. 

Magnus lifted his eyes, looking at him with a wet smile. “You- you sound pretty confident there.” He shook his head. “You can’t know the future, Alexander.”

“And neither can you,” Alec said simply. He slid a hand into Magnus’s hair, pushing it from his forehead. “Maybe we can’t have as easy of a life as I could with someone else, but I would rather have a short, hard, struggle-filled life with you than fifty years of ease with someone else.”

Magnus sniffled as he curled his hand around Alec’s chin, stomach churning as he clutched at him closely. “I want to believe you, Alec, but I’m the worst choice you could make. I- I want you always, but what if-“

“Magnus I could have twenty-thousand days left in this life or I could have two,” he said, looking him in the eyes. Alec shook his head minutely. “Either way, I want to spend that time loving you.”

Magnus whimpered and collapsed into Alec’s arms, clutching at him clumsily. “I’m so sorry, Alexander. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

“Shhhhhh, it’s okay.” Alec kissed his hair, rolling them onto their sides so he could hold Magnus with more ease. He brushed kisses down his forehead to his nose and down to his lips, meeting him in a few tender (and wet) kisses before stopping. “I’d fight every minute of every day just to give you my heart to keep, Magnus Bane. Easy was never my style.”

Magnus bit his lip, fighting a giddy grin before he let out a soft huff, a secretive little smile on his lips. “You have my heart, too, Alexander.” He leaned forward to press his smile to Alec’s, both of them laughing at their awkward kiss. “I love you so much, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Alec said, stroking his back gently, noses brushing as they spoke. “Cause I love you, too.” 

Magnus kissed him once more before rolling around, tucking himself into the warmth of Alec’s body, letting Alec go all ‘big spoon’ on him. “I’m gonna remind you of this day in the future when you’re mad at me,” Magnus joked and Alec laughed, sliding his hand up Magnus’s shirt to sooth slow strokes across his navel-less skin.

“And I’m gonna have a talk with my mother about putting fears like that into your head by surprising us with Fernando,” he said and Magnus hummed happily, wearing a big, relieved smile as he lay there, simply basking in the feeling of being loved by Alexander Lightwood.


End file.
